Iron Chef Jesse

Whats a better way to start your week with good food (cooked by a chef~!) plus great company.

Jus and I bought various random food items from the supermarket for dinner tonight. The deal was that Jesse had to use every single item we bought plus any other ingredient/spice of his choice from the pantry.

So we bought :-

3 capsicums (red + green + yellow)
Onions
Garlic
Basa fillet fish
Barramundi fillet fish
Beef
Chilli
Pumpkin
Bak choy
Longans
Eggs
Mushrooms
Proschitto
Lime

Needless to say, he lived up to his reputation~!

So we had beef with capsicums + pumpkin + pine nuts + chilli..+ hm...etc etc (secret ingredients :P)

Barramundi (cooked chinese style with ginger, wine, soya sauce)

Prawns + eggs + other ingredients

Basa fillet fish + longans + lime + mushrooms + curry leaves + curry paste (ever tasted longans in curry? we have now~!)

Bak choy + Proscuitto

The meal was complimented by a beautiful shiraz provided by Kev plus a well-matched chardonay brought by Tim. We also had 2 bottles of sparkling grape juice~!

This was followed by a simple but delicious fruit punch of longans + grapes + ice + white wine.


Jesse at work. Look at how the prawns seem to be flying out of the wok. The art of a chef.





The company (minus Nicole, my brother and I)


Yum. Curry fish (with longans)

Very innovative. Never had bak choy with proscuitto before.

Philippians 2
He Took on the Status of a Slave

1-4If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand

God, teach me to be more like You.

Give me a teachable spirit.

Give me a humbling spirit.

For some reason or another (probably nearning the time of the month), I've been very irritated with my brother. Any remark that was even slightly displeasing to the ear made me really irritated.

So last night, while lying in bed:-

First 10 minutes: plotting spiteful revenge

Next 10 minutes: reversing plan. Not very Godly, i thought.

Last 10 minutes: channelling away thoughts: thought of sugar,spice and everything nice.

Fell asleep.

Today

Woke up: Ah, forgot about plan.

Irritated process repeat

Thought process repeat

Sigh, I can be so immature sometimes.

......

To love is to keep no record of wrong-doings. Thats a tough one. What if the person offends you again and again through his/her similar actions? Is it then possible to keep no record of wrong-doings? Familiar painful memories will be evoked? Thoughts anyone?

Happy Birthday Gorgeous Nina =)

A few days too late but here's a shout out to Nina. Happy 20th Birthday sweetie =)

Intelligent. Caring. Responsible. Giving. Loving. Emphatatic. Strong. Amazing. Beautiful.


Love ya =)

Me, myself and I

Home alone.

Suddenly the house feels unwelcomingly quiet. I usually like the quietness. Jus calls me a lone ranger. However, this quietness has been a sudden change from all the chatter with 4 ppl living in this tiny apartment. My brother is off to his gf's place. My parents are out for dinner with friends (I reckon my parents have more friends in melbourne than I do - no kidding)

I called Wei Chee last night. It is always good to be able to talk to an old friend who knows the old me and the current me. I think i have definitely changed quite a fair bit since I have left for Melbourne. Perhaps a little more opinionated. But hopefully, everything else is for the better =) I do realise that I like ranting off my problems to her when I am not really seeking for answers but more of reassurance that its okay to feel this way. Basically, to remove things off my chest. I kinda know what I'm suppose to do but I just want someone to listen. Thats the thing with girls isn't it. We are usually not seeking for solutions but for someone to just be there. I think that frustrates guys sometimes. Guys being solution-minded, would only speak about their problems when they are specifically searching for an answer. Last night, I was reading a book called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. Jus called it 'the bible for women living'. Ern said in response, 'Yeah, that's exactly what you want your wife to be isn't it'. That book is fantastic - really really practical. No fluff. Just the real deal. Its basically spills out 'what we need to know about the inner lives of men'. So if you wanna know:

Why are guys so stubborn @ does not want to ask for directions even though he knows he is lost

Why do guys seem so superficial

Why do guys react angrily but girls break down and cry

Why is his pride so important to him that we girls, for the life of us, cannot understand

Do read the book =)



Apropos to nothing, the Malaysian PM just got married today. After doing some brief research on the net about his newly wedded wife, let's just say that I approve of her =) She seems like a very nice lady - described by her friends as caring, compassionate, sociable, supportive, always with a smile on her face.


On a different note altogether, I'm starting to really enjoy my soups and teas. Winter paid an early surprise visit this year.

Btw, if you have nothing much to do, do visit one of my favourite blogs - waiterrant.net. His writing is absolutely superb. But please do excuse the vulgarity and the sexual connotations.

Day out with Ern and Jus

Taken two Sundays back - at Gertrude St.

Ivy introduced me to the area - she is one gurl that knows her food~! haha, my food guide.

Ern and I before our meal arrive. I love cozy cafe courtyards =)



After lunch, we moved to another cafe for dessert - Yes, we people can eat.

This place serve the best crepes~!!! Dining in that cafe made me feel like I was in France - my outfit matches the cafe ambience eh :P And the waiter that served us is from Paris.





Flaming crepes~! Rum + macademia



She who made our crepes - a view through our little window~!

It's funny how my old self is teaching me new things...

That's what i love about journals and blogs. Its a reflection on who we was and how we became who we are.

S, e-mailed me sometimes back. She was one of my dearest friends in Form 2. She typed out a snippet of something i wrote to her at that time. Wow, I never knew I had the capacity to think such big thoughts at that time :p haha.

S and I used to write notes to each other every single day even though we sat next to each other. Fun and carefree days. One of my most memorable years in high school. Definitely.


I was browsing through my old blog - and i found this entry. It kinda speaks to me now - 3 years on.

Speaking from the heart... In everything you do, do it unto the Lord. Lately, Ive been feeling a little unappreciated and a sense of feeling that Im not always not good enough. No matter what, theres always someone better than you, someone smarter than you, someone nicer than you. When, I look through that perspective, Im always doing it unto men (or women), and Im finally left feeling demoralized. This semester, God has been teaching me how to love unconditionally, no strings attached. It can been really difficult and tiresome at times. Its a long and tough process. Its against everything of the world. Im far from that goal. But Im glad Im walking or shall I say crawling towards it. Theres many a time, I want to be thanked or appreciated. But, as a servant of God, we should work in an unsuspecting way. Someone reminded me just now that in everything we do, do it unto the Lord. In the midst of all this, Ive missed the point and aimed at the wrong target. I'm glad that ive been redirected to the eternal focus. Lord, refresh my spirit. Refocus my mind. Recharge my body. Redirect my aim.

I realised that I have changed over the past few years. Not sure for better or worse. I miss that innocence i once had.
....

Hm, I had a tough day today - emotionally at least. A battle in my own head i suppose. No significant event happened. It was more of an accumulation of events i suppose. No one at fault and no one to blame but myself. I took a walk/jog in the park to clear my thoughts and I guess just to cry out to God. Literally.

I felt like I was in Job's situation. The problem was I did not react the same he did.

I have so much more to learn.

....

Church – did they get it wrong?

I walked out of the law building and quickly hustled to the main campus. My next class was about to start in 15 minutes and the class was located at the opposite end of the campus. Mid-way through ‘university square’ (it’s the park that separates the law building from the main campus), this guy approaches me. He had a clean-cut look, hair neatly combed to one side, wearing an ironed-press shirt - didn’t look too suspicious.

“Hi”

“Em…hi,” I replied, uncertain whether he was talking to me. I certainly have not seen him before.

“I’m a missionary,” he says as he points to his name tag around his neck.

“That’s good,” I replied in a tone that said I-feel-a-little-awkward.

“How was your day? I usually come to this park and try to talk to certain people about their faith. Do you go to church?” he continued.

“My day was good and I do go to church actually – one that is in the city,” I said as I quicken my pace.

“Me too but mine is outside the city.”

“That’s great.”

There was an awkward silence as I reached the traffic light.

“Hey, I got to go now. I’m late for class,” I said as I was about to dash across the road.

“The light is turning red. You can’t cross the road.”

“Darn.” I silently cursed the traffic light.

So which church do you go to? Do you go there every Sunday?” he asked me.

I answered his questions shortly and awkwardly. I was getting a little agitated.

Approximately 2 minutes later, the pedestrian light turned green, I said a quick bye and dash off into freedom.

While continuing my journey to class in the liberty of my own solitude, I asked myself why did I feel what I felt. After all, he is a Christian and I’m a Christian. I realised that I always shy away from these street missionaries. The same few things that always enter my mind would be:-

- Could this be something dodgy?
- What does he really want?
- Do you expect me to pour out all my problems to you in the first few minutes of knowing you?
- Is this just about luring me to your beliefs?

Did the traditional church get it wrong? Is this the best way to get someone to be a Christ-follower. Is it just about converting someone to a Christian? If I, a Christian, feel scared about being approach by a street missionary, what more a non-Christian?

I guess for me, it’s not about luring a person to Jesus but allowing a person to see the love, hope and faith that God has placed in us. After all, we are made in the image of Christ.

Gloomy days ahead?

Here’s what many have to say on Crown Casino, Melbourne:-

WHEN Crown Casino opened its doors 10 years ago, the celebrations were glittering — fireworks lit up the city skies, the rich and famous popped champagne corks and a Chinese dragon twisted its way along the river promenade. But not everyone agreed with original owner Lloyd Williams that this was a "gift to Melbourne". The dissenters included a half-naked actor (stripping made media attention a sure bet, according to Rachel Griffiths), a Baptist minister with powerful political connections (Reverend Tim Costello) and the then lord mayor of Melbourne (Ivan Deveson). They predicted many of the problems that have since afflicted people in this city — gambling addiction, theft and broken families.

Taken from the Age, 7 May 2007

In light of that, as much as the idea of opening two casinos (one marketed as an ‘entertainment centre’) in Singapore sounds enticing, the effects of it all will not be felt till a decade later.

Sure, the Singapore government suggests that they will limit the number of casinos which will then minimise the negative impacts of gambling. Tell that to the broken families who might be chased by loan sharks as a result of bad debts, especially when Singapore does not have a generous welfare system.

I remember during one of my trips up to Genting Highlands, Malaysia, a man who looked like life has been sucked out of him, approached my dad, begging him to buy his rolex watch. I asked my dad why he was selling his watch. My dad replied that it’s because he has gambled all his money away. I thought that perhaps the man could have once been someone respected and admired. He now looked like a pitiful creature, stooped down to a level of humiliation where he needs to beg in order to be clothed and fed.

Hm, but then again, the same can be said of substance abuse perhaps.

Dave Hughes

As i mentioned before, went to watch Dave Hughes at the comedy festival yesterday. He was pretty funny if you like Australian humour and if you manage the catch the joke between the many vulgar words. Its like "f... joke f...joke..f...joke...f...joke"

Here are a few of his jokes:-

"Hon, I think I should get a dog"

"Why?"

"Cause I need something to love"

"WHAT ABOUT ME? I need some love too"

.....

Points to some people who came late to the show

"You, why are you late?"

"O, we had to take a train from Chelsea (this small-ish town)"

"O, you had to push your way into the train i suppose"

....

Points to some people who came late to the show

"You, why are you late?"

"O, the babysitter didnt turn up"

"So you had to contemplate whether to lock the kid up in the cupboard did ya?"

...
He made some lame ones too (like one of those jokes that i would make)

WHilst wife looking at wedding magazines

"Hon, what do you think about this table runner?"

"What the f... is a table runner? Just tie the table down and it won't run away"

...

So there! A taste of Australian humour. Of course, there many jokes with sexual connotations attached to it but i didnt think it was too appropriate and some of them werent very tasteful anyway.

"It's difficult to find best friends these days. There are good friends and there are best friends. Best friends are hard to come by"

My mouth gasped open and I paused for a sec.

"Guess what? I was thinking the very same thoughts today and I told J that. The way i describe best friends are friends you can connect with on almost every level. Its almost as if theres some sort of chemistry between the two of you, aside from the romance"

"Exactly."

I've always wondered why it was so much more difficult to find best friends these days as compared to our primary school and high school days. Not that I'm complaining but its just a thought.

Back in elementary days, friendships were formed from fun and games. I like cars and you like cars. We like cars. We are best friends. That simple.

During high school days, friendships are formed over simple conversations.

Now we are mould into such complicated beings. Perhaps we are so complicated that its difficult to find a common denominator between us all. Or perhaps we are so busy running our own race that we have no time to run with others along our side. Perhaps we are too contented with our own lives that we do not find the need to seek strong friendships outside our comfort zone. Perhaps some of us have lost the hope of building new and strong friendships.

Gelati + company = happy boy + happy girl

My weekend started with a dip at the St Kilda sea bath on Friday evening. Imagine this - unwinding from a hectic week by leisurely swimming in a heated pool with a beachfront view. And to complete the picture, there was also a jucuzzi!

This was proceeded by dinner with Jus at this "authentic-looking" Jap joint. Note the inverted commas. The set up of the restaurant looks authentic especially with a Jap sashimi chef behind the sushi counter. However, the food was disappointing. The quality of the sashimi was not up to standards, the unagi did not taste too authentic and further, it was a tad too pricey.

Anyway, to brighten our night, we decided to head to 7 apples to have some gelati~!

I love photos taken in vivid mode. The colours of the pic appear fuller.

a-d-d-i-c-t-e-d

For the past few days, i've been actively engaging in battle




Chess, you gotta love that game...

A date in the sea....

Last friday morning saw me oh-so jumpy~! At 12 pm, I was set and ready to go. Go where? Fishing in the sea~! So, Jus and I headed down to St Kilda beach and excitedly hopped onto the Melbourne Fishing Charter boat. The moment we settled in, the captain of the boat turned on the ignition and off we went~!








With the wind blowing in our hair, the sun up and shining, the taste of salty sea breeze in our mouths, what could be a more relaxing day? We said our goodbyes to the St Kilda pier and off we sped into the open sea.

Bait for our fishes~! I love this shot taken by Jus. I like how the water droplets are captured in the background.


Jus being the competitive one decided to have a mini competition with me :P Initially, I objected. Its meant to be a relaxing trip - not some mind-gruelling games day~! The object of the game is basically to see who has caught more fishes at the end of the trip. Me, being the submissive one (dont laugh) succumbed to his request and decide to participate in the competition.

hehe...so the competition was on~!

Jus vs Jo

Jo enjoying the time away for the buzzling city


Jus looking focused - "Must catch more fish than Jo"


After 3 minutes of fishing, I caught a fish~!


Jo, 1 - Jus, 0

Five minutes later, I caught fish number 2~!


Jo, 2 - Jus, 0

Jus pretending to look happy :P


5 minutes later, Jus caught a fish. Woo hoo~! He is all smiles and feeling relieved.


Jo,2 - Jus, 1


To fast-forward, I caught 6 fishes and Jus caught 3. hehe. I won~!

But the fishes i caught were too small and had to be thrown back in the water whereas Jus' 2 out of 3 fishes met the minimum legal size and was kept on boat.

A few others of the boat caught baby gummy sharks. So cute~!


All in all, it was a really fun and relaxing trip~!

Of course, it helps that i won the competition :P

Singapore Trip II - Part II

Here you go, last batch of Singapore photos~!

Cafe Del Mar, Singapore

Old meets new

Sometimes the world seems unbelievably small. I met up with Gentry and some of my old high school friends at First Station cafe earlier. (I think its called First Station cafe) Gentry knew them through Wei Nian. It was my first time meeting Jolyn and Ee Ling ever since i left high school~! It was good meeting up with them again. Nicholas, Boon Siong, Wei Nian, Michelle, Joa Chim were there as well.



Too bad i didnt take any pictures with the rest. Theres always next time.

On a different note, a certain someone, Miss C, had this spontanous plan to head down to Singapore today. hm...still thinking bout it, considering i just left singapore. On one hand, it sounds like a good plan because im actually quite bored in KL. On the other hand, hm....is it perhaps a little too last minute? haha...whats more exciting than an out-of-the-blue plan =)

Photo updates

I'm not the most tech savvy person on earth. So, I think i should congratulate myself for creating these collages. haha, no easy task for me.

Anyway, all these pictures are a collection of my Singapore and Bintan trip~! I enjoyed every moment of my time here. But i think that ive spent enough time in Singapore and its about time that i head back to KL. So to my dear KL friends, please look me up if you have time~! I'll be in KL for the next 3 weeks =)

My first live football match!

Tomorrow is the final day of my long holiday in Spore. The time here has been good. I met some nice people. Met up with a few old friends. Had long chats with my aunt and managed to slot time in to visit my cousins. Now that im leaving, i wish that my stay here in spore was a tad longer. Nonetheless, I know that i should head back to KL soon.

Yesterday, I went to watch the semifinals of the Asean cup, Singapore vs Malaysia. It was good fun. Every moment was intense. Both teams played equally well. THe final score showed 6-5. 6 for Singapore that is. There was a huge rivalry between the Spore fans and Malaysian fans. THe police force had to stand in between the opposing fans- just in case. There was this one Singaporean man that kept giving jeering looks which was accompanied by vulgar hand movements to any Malaysian that would cheer for Malaysia. It was quite hilarious to see a person so uptight over a game.

Malaysia scored the 1st goal. FOllowed by Spore. By the end of the 2nd half, the score was 1-1. So, it went overtime. Both teams scored neil. Finally, the game resorted to penalty shootouts. Singapore scored. Malaysia scored. Singapore. Malaysia. The score was equal till the end. FInally, it was up to this Malaysian chap to break it or win it. Pressure was on him. The entire Singaporean crowd of about 40 000 people stomped their feet to distract the poor chap. At last, he succumbed to pressure and displayed a poor performance. His ball tiredly rolled straight towards the goalkeeper. The goalkeeper without flaking a single sweat dived and retrived the ball. That was the end of the game. I sat there quietly, feeling unhappy. When it counts for it, I stand up for Malaysia~! hehe.

All in all, it was a good game. My first live football match~!

My favourite pics of the past few months

Flemington kids & Streetlife

The kids on a day out to the playground! Wee...round & round they go~!

Merry Christmas to me ! kidding. Its for the Flemington kids. For the past two years, the Streetlife team have been handing out individually picked presents for approximately 100 kids living in Flemington. I'm just sorting out their presents. No harm posing in the meantime.

Supper at a Korean restaurant with the Streetlife team after bread run

Dig in =)

Penang - Ferringhi Beach

Lying in the hammocks whilst the sunrays stream through the clouds =)

Definitely heavenly

Fishing the 'kampung' style is a must-try experience. Grab a fishing line, put on a fishing hook, some raw prawns as bait and a sinker. Swing the fishing line round a couple of times baseball style and wait for the catch. Feel the line tug within 5 minutes and run as fast as you can back to the beach.

Last pose for the camera before speeding off on his jetski

Sentosa Beach, Singapore

"Hello from underneath" says my little cousin Kit Kit

Hello from above the Sentosa double decker bus!

okay...more updates later. Need to go to bed. Its 12.11 am. WHoops~! =)

All is lost when the flame of hope dies out. It could be in a tennis game, your career advancement, or life in general. That lost of hope is a dangerous thing. It is hope that drives you to strive or even just to breathe. Why live when you see no tomorrow? After all, its innate in all humans that we are set for achievement - whether is to be that CEO or just to live for tomorrow. We were made with the desire to survive. Hope and the desire to live comes hand in hand. Why hope when you dont plan to live or why live when you hope for nothing? We are not mere flesh and blood but also spiritual beings. Things suddenly spiral downwards when our spirits are low. Suddenly everything is a shade darker...

Bea's trip to Melbourne

Prior to the Tasmania trip, Bea and friends visited Melbourne~!

Bea and I



On the ferry from Queenscliff to Sorrento

Sometimes it takes an outsider to remind you how beautiful Melbourne is

Reminiscing our childhood

On the way back from Torquay

The Amazing Race

Roadkills - 1 (a bird)

Near roadkills - 5 (1 cow, 2 peacocks, 1 cat, 1 wallibee)

Days travelled - 5

Distance covered by car - ~ 800 km

I'm back from Tasmania!!!! That trip was absolutely fantastic!!! I'm sunburned and peeling but that trip was worth it. Thanks Bea and friends for planning the trip =) I've never seen so many wildlife creatures in my entire life.

Beatrice and I had an upclose encounter with a venomous snake and a bee. "O crap, whats that? Run~!!!"

Here are a couple of photos of our Tasmania trip. I only took a couple of photos with my camera. Im yet to receive the other photos. Till then, enjoy these photos.

On one of the short walks at Cradle Mountain

The Little Blue Lake - Seriously, the lake was really really blue! This is because the water in the little blue lake is acidic and high in aluminium, a mineral leached from decomposing granite. As a result, only certain colours of the spectrum is reflected making the lake appear really really blue! Dont you just feel like swimming in it? Unfortunately swimming is not permitted due to its high acidity content.

A bennett wallibee. Lots of these little friends in Tasmania.

As we were driving along the road, we noticed this plant that looked like a huge pink rock. Being jakun Malaysians, we got down and started camwhoring with the plant.

Me =)

Encountering God

In the quiet,
In the stillness
I know that You are God.
In the secret of Your presence
I know that I am restored
When You call I won't refuse,
Each new day again I'lll choose

The is no one else for me,
None but Jesus.

Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise.

In the chaos, in confusion,
I kow you're sovereign still.
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will...

All my delight is in You Lord.
Forever more.

This song has never held so much meaning for me before. Last night I think I've hit the lowest point ever in the last couple of months. I've never felt so broken - all my hurtful memories just swamped me. I went through every single emotion imaginable - tired, stressed, hungry, happy, angry, confused, unworthy, unloved, unpure, uncared for, hurt, loved, restored, peace, serenity, joy. It was such a huge night of emotions for me.

I didnt want to reach that point. Not now at least. Not in the midst of my exams. But, I think I needed to. I needed to be broken again so that I can be restored by Him. I havent cried out to Him in such desperation for so long. I spent a good 1 1/2 hours at least crying or wallowing in self-pity and at least another one hour or so crying out to God and engaged in prayer. Initially, I didnt want to reach out to Him because I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to wallow in self-pity. Somehow, I felt comfort to be in misery but I knew that it wasnt a good state to be in. It took me some courage to say again, 'God I need You in my life. I want to find my purpose in You. Restore me and heal me. I want my validation to come from you and no one else. Teach me how to love. Teach me how to live...' In the midst of crying out to Him, I felt peace and calmness all of a sudden. IAt the end, I even felt joyful. I no longer felt unloved or unworthy but healed and restored. I continue crying not in self-pity anymore but because the presence of God is so real. Encountering God has not felt so real for so long.

And the miraculous thing is that at the end, I told God to take away my cramps that I felt because of the lack of rest. I asked God for a good night rest which was very much needed. (I almost NEVER get a good night rest ) This morning, when I woke up I felt refreshed in my spirit and mentally. On top of that, my cramps were gone. Woh. I think its because I slept very peacefully.

On a side note, my brother knocked on my door at 3 am last night to ask me why I was crying. I declined to answer him because I didnt know how to. He was extremely concerned and gave me tissues. After much futile effort of probing, he told me, 'okay, ill be in my room. If you need someone to talk to, you can always look for me. Don't cry anymore. I love you.'

I love my brother!

A short course in human relations

The least important word: I
The most important word: We
The two most important words: Thank you
The three most important words: All is forgiven
The four most important words: What is your opinion?
The five most important words: You did a good job.
The six most important words: I want to understand you better.

I think my biggest difficulty is the inability or more like the lack of desire to understand certain people better. As harsh as it sounds, I know this happens when I do not respect that person as i do not share their beliefs. I hear what they say without listening to them - their words would not even process in my brain cause something just screams in me, 'utter rubbish'. This situation is amplified if those people think the world of themselves. Perhaps, their false confidence are masked by inner insecurities.

So the question I ask myself today is 'what does it mean to understand a person?' I'm still trying to figure that out. Perhaps I dont have to share their beliefs. I just need to know that the person just like everyone else is trying to be a somebody. That person wants to know that he/she is loved, he/she is important and can make a difference in this world.

To love unconditionally is tough. Pay it forward, He says...

...............


To that formidable place...

Today I woke up with my heart palpitating. The familiar fear rose within me - one which i thought i left behind when I came to Australia. The cold room with a pin-dropping silent atmosphere. A lack of warmth in the room would be an understatement. The frowns on their faces. The intensity in their watchful eyes. Pens ready in hand to mark your destiny. Backs straight. Forceful smiles.

Yes. Piano examinations. Remember those days everyone? Almost everybody who is Asian has probably taken some sort of piano examinations at some point of their lives. Urgh....*shudders*

Perhaps I'm the exception. Maybe piano examinations were not as bad an experience for many of you. But it was for me. I must admit that I'm just not musically inclined. Honestly. Im not trying to be humble here. For a start, I cant remember any lyrics to any nursery rhyme, what more a proper song. Im sure there are people that can vouch to that. I cant sing or play the piano according to rhythm. Yes, its that bad. (Deep down inside, Im glad karoake on Friday night was cancelled :P) Im beginning to wonder whether its because of my irregular heartbeat? Any excuse would be a good enough reason for me.

What does it mean to love?

I love because I was first love by you. It's easy to love when you receive something in return - may it be words of gratitude or a mere sparkle in their eye that expresses everything you need to power on.

Unconditional love is another story altogether. Would you still do the things you do if you were spat at instead of receiving the gratitude you deserve? Would you still prepare the meals in the kitchen if your husband and kids showed no signs of gratitude for the extra effort you put in tonight? Would you still continue your work if it went on unnoticed?

Darlene Zschech from Hillsong once said that, 'Its the unseen heroes that she respects most.' She said that it was much easier for her to power on with her worship ministry because of the flows of emails, conversations, tears of joy that i guess, somewhat contributed to the fulfillment of her ministry.

Unconditional love - its irrational. Therefore, incomprehensible by the meek human mind. We were taught through our formal education to grab, to choose only what benefits us, to win the rat race, to be the survivor of the fittest.

2 lessons learn from this :-

1) Since its against our human flesh to love unconditionally, draw our strength from God. Its only through God that we can truly do so. Jesus did it while living on earth. His biggest sacrifice was clearly his sacrifice on the cross for us.

2) Ensure that we display our appreciation. This is simply to make it easier for the other person to love. Why not make life simpler whenever we can?

Conversations

I love meeting people from all walks of life. I love hearing about their stories, their adventures, how they were mould to become the person they are today. Each story is different. Each story is unique.

On the way to the Sydney airport, I had a mini conversation with the taxi driver. I found out that he was a Muslim from Pakistan. I told him that i spent my time at a Christian conference in Sydney. After a couple of minutes, I asked him whether he was a Australian citizen. He replied in affirmative. It has always intrigued me as to how many low-skilled workers manage to acquire citizenship in Australia. Mind you, Im not looking down on these people. Its just that he does not quite meet any Permanent Residency requirements. So, he unfolded his story. He revealed that he paid this Australian girl a small sum (I think the sum was $1000) to marry him. This marriage is only for show of course. He already has a wife and kids in Pakistan whom he truly adores. Soon after the marriage papers were signed, he divorced the Australian girl and then brought his real wife and kids over. Apparently this is common practice. A whole new world is opened before my eyes. I didnt think this practice was common. I feel like a tortoise living under a shell.

The day before that, I met this gorgeous sales assistant who worked in one of the retail outlets at Bondi beach. I noticed that her accent wasnt Australian. I thought she was American but she said she was Canadian. She has a very interesting life as well. After completing her high school, she moved over to the Big Apple to pursue theatrical studies. After 3 years in the buzzling city, she decided she had enough. She then took a big leap by following her boyfriend across the globe to Sydney. Now she is settled in the Bondi suburb. She's doing a degree in media and communication while working part-time.

I long to travel after I complete my degree! I want to have interesting stories to share too ! =) But as for now, I know that my place is in Melbourne.

If someone was to ask me, 'where's my home?', I wouldnt be able to give an honest answer. Thats because I dont know myself. I think, for me, the people I love is where my home is.

To be a woman - Part I

13 May 2006

"We girls and women alike long to be called beautiful. Little girls have pretty butterflies drawn on their faces while older women acquire exquisite diamond butterfly pendants"

“I remember when I was ten asking myself as well as older females in my life how a woman of God could actually be confident and beautiful, yet not portray herself as a feminist Nazi or insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I be vulnerable without drowning myself in sorrow?”

I had the pleasure of sharing a meal together with Ann and Wing Yan yesterday. Dinner was fantastic as expected. I haven’t caught up with Wing Yan since the beginning of the semester and I desired to hear about her journey in life.

Ann casually mentioned the book ‘Captivating’ over dinner. Coincidentally, I’ve been thinking about re-reading the book over the past few days. So, I picked up the book and read the first chapter. Every word, every phrase, every quote resonated with the contents of my heart. I was nodding at every sentence. I knew God was speaking to me through the author’s words.

Sue-Lee and Johanna gave me this book for my 20th birthday. I read the book a couple of weeks after that but nothing in that book really struck a chord in me back then. I remember that I felt ‘oh yeah, I can see where the author is coming from. I agree with her’ but nothing quite captivated me.

Over the past few months, God has stretched me and re-streched me beyond what I imagined. However, it did not make me weary but stronger. I love this phase of my life simply because I’m learning what is it like to be me. I yearn to know more about Him, I yearn to know what it’s like to be a woman.

This desire of mine to become a woman has only surfaced about two months ago. Before that, I never wanted to be a woman. I wanted to remain as a girl.

I wanted to still be daddy’s little girl. I wanted to be a princess. I wanted to be called pretty. I wanted to spoilt and showered with presents. I wanted to be doted on. I sought affection and affirmation from the people I loved. I wanted my partner to be there at my every need and my every call. I desired to be called beautiful.

I did not want to grow up because I had the preconceived idea that being a woman was about being independent, was about compromising all the time, was about needing less affection but giving more instead, was about receiving less attention. I did not want all that. So, I feared growing up. I feared losing a part of me when I lose my childish ways. I feared that I would be less playful which I believe is an important part of me. My fear was stopping me from moving forward.

But, I’m learning that being a woman does not mean you do not seek attention or all the abovementioned. Every girl or woman has an innate desire in them to be called beautiful. Each one of us longs to love and be loved. Each one of us craves affection from our love ones. Each one of us desires to be pampered. And no, it is not wrong to have these feelings. God created us this way just as how God created men to have a desire to fight battles.

And so, I’m learning what it’s like to be a woman. I do not want to join the feminist march and wear the pants in my future relationship. I want to submit to my partner and yet be secure and confident in myself. I want to be who God meant me to be – a woman.

I have always been pampered all my life and taken care of by older people around me. (In exception of me being an older sister to my brother of course) I felt happy being the younger one because that means less expectations, less responsibilities. But, I’m turning 21 soon and its time for me to grow up. Its time for me to step up and not think like a pampered princess anymore. I now have this new desire in my heart to raise other people up instead of wanting to be raised up by others. It’s a new feeling that I’ve not quite experience before. Its one thing to look after kids but another thing to take a slightly younger girl under your wing.

I long to find my worth in God and I’m trying to comprehend what it means to be dependent on God. I never really understood. Before this, whenever I had problems, I turned to the people around me. After all, technology allows us that easy access. I turned to others when I had this lonely gap inside me, when I felt a little down or when I seek counsel. However, I’m learning to first seek His face before anything else. That is why I’m trying to not get into a relationship so soon. Cause I need to learn to be independent. Finally, I’m learning what it means to be independent. I don’t want to get into the vicious cycle again where I draw my strength from others. I want to draw my strength from the right source. After all, He is our Creator.

I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful