Thursday, December 17, 2009

Leaving on a jet plane

Ill be off to Singapore tomorrow!

I'm currently packing my bag. I've realised that whether I'm travelling for one week, two weeks or a month, I'll pack about the same amount of clothes/stuff: 1 pair of high heels, 1 pair of sandals, 1 runners, make up pouch, 1 formal dress, 4-5 casual dresses, 2 casual tops, 2 tops for sports, 3 pairs of shorts, 1-2 pairs of pjs, 1 belt, 1 scarf, 2 jackets (one for the plane and a light cardigan), 1 pair of sunnies, 1 bikini, undergarments, 1 journal, 1 bible, 1 book to read, 1 laptop, 1 ipod and lots of cables - for phones, camera, laptop.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

How do you define yourself?

A friend posted that question to me tonight.

I paused for a while and answered, "I don't know." I felt foolish. Its like not being able to give an answer when asked to list three strong qualities of yourself at a job interview. It shows that you are unsure of yourself, that you aren't confident and that you came unprepared.

I told him that I honestly cannot give him an answer. If I was asked that question a year ago, I would have given him a totally different answer. I would probably describe my passions, my strengths and weaknesses. That I love travelling. I love new ideas. I like writing but I don't do it very well. That I live off passion. I'm stubborn. I can be quite ill-disciplined. I'm very curious about life - about why people do the things they do and why do people say the things they say. And the list can go on. But ask me today, and I tell you that I now know much less of myself than I did before. I became uncertain about the things I thought I was sure of. My perceptions of myself and my view of life have been teared apart. I now question what I thought was fundamental in relationships. What I thought was important to me now lies at the bottom of my priority list.

Perhaps, that's why I haven't really been blogging. I have hundreds of drafts. I type half an entry and then I save it. Simply because, I dont know whether I believe in what I write anymore.

I guess I'm in the process of redefining who I am. It came unexpectedly but in a way, I'm glad it did. Because, knowing that I don't know anything has humbled me.