When I was 4: Honey stars

I am able to recall many moments of my early childhood. I always assumed that this was a normal phenomenon, only to realise that many don't recall much of their early years. I don't believe that I have a special ability or memory. I'm able to because every so often, when I'm unable to fall into the slumbers of sleep, I play a game with myself - I force myself to recall memories of my life, starting from my earliest memories. I believe that earliest memory I can recall is probably when I was 18 months old. So I'm starting a new series on my blog called: "when I was".

I've always been called butterfingers since I was young. I guess I deserved that title. Meal after meal, I'll tell myself, "Don't drop it. For once, don't drop it." But it always happened. I always spilled my rice, milk, cereal, you name it. Once, I was eating a bowl of cereals. I don't remember the name of the cereal. But it was golden in colour, shaped like stars and tasted sweet, like it was coated with honey. (Perhaps it was called, honey stars?) I remember it being yummy and I was in euphoria. But my euphoria moment didn't last long, before I knew it, I was sent into the fast-speed elevator and descended back onto earth. I had dropped the entire bowl of honey stars cereal. Unlike Van Gogh who painted the sky with stars above Cafe Terrace, I painted the carpet of the apartment with my stars.

O no. Big blunder. I would be scolded for sure. Lucky for me, being a lactose-intolerant baby, the cereal was dry. Otherwise, I might not be here to write this entry. Anyway, having grown a long white beard, I twirled it with my right index finger and in my infinite wisdom, came up with a brilliant thought, "I shall hide the cereal under the beanbag. No one would know. After all, it could have been anybody in this household."

So I did just that. I dragged the beanbag across the hallway and placed it on top the evidence. Problem solved.

A few days later, my mum discovered the evidence. "Who did this?" she asked. I kept quiet. After all, my brilliant coverup had no loopholes in it.

Little did I know, I was the only one in the household who ate honey stars.

When I was 4: Ribena

I am able to recall many moments of my early childhood. I always assumed that this was a normal phenomenon, only to realise that many don't recall much of their early years. I don't believe that I have a special ability or memory. I'm able to because every so often, when I'm unable to fall into the slumbers of sleep, I play a game with myself - I force myself to recall memories of my life, starting from my earliest memories. I believe that earliest memory I can recall is probably when I was 18 months old. So I'm starting a new series on my blog called: "when I was".

I've always loved cooking and having high teas from a very young age. But tea wasn't tea when you were 4. 4 year old children sip air from plastic cups and cooked plastic pasta on stoves without heat. Still, it was fun all the same.

I was having one of usual play dates with my father, cooking and eating plastic food with plastic cutlery on plastic pans and plates.

"Can I have ribena please?" I asked my dad.

"Sure. Here you go!" he said as he handed me over a purple cup.

"hahaha!" I laughed and squealed. "No, I mean the real ribena!" I said.

"It's real ribena!" he said as he continued holding out the cup.

"No, no, no!" I laughed till my sides hurt because the 4 year old me found it hilarious that I couldn't quite explain what real ribena was.

It is weird that I'll still find it funny today? =)

When I was 4: Life

I am able to recall many moments of my early childhood. I always assumed that this was a normal phenomenon, only to realise that many don't recall much of their early years. I don't believe that I have a special ability or memory. I'm able to because every so often, when I'm unable to fall into the slumbers of sleep, I play a game with myself - I force myself to recall memories of my life, starting from my earliest memories. I believe that earliest memory I can recall is probably when I was 18 months old. So I'm starting a new series on my blog called: "when I was".

My first brush with death was my dead fish that jumped to its death from an ice cream container. Earlier that night, my family and I were dining at our usual Chinese restaurant. We were usual patrons there and I remember that we always received a warm reception from the staff there. I guess the head waiter/manager must have liked me or perhaps, it was a seasonal gift, but I was presented with a tiny fish in a tied up plastic bag. It was my first "pet". That night, we (or rather one of my parents) untied the bag and placed the fish in an empty ice cream container. Later, before bedtime, I went to check on my pet fish but found it lying limp on the carpeted floor. It must have jumped out, my dad said.

When I was 18 months old

I am able to recall many moments of my early childhood. I always assumed that this was a normal phenomenon, only to realise that many don't recall much of their early years. I don't believe that I have a special ability or memory. I'm able to because every so often, when I'm unable to fall into the slumbers of sleep, I play a game with myself - I force myself to recall memories of my life, starting from my earliest memories. I believe that earliest memory I can recall is probably when I was 18 months old. So I'm starting a new series on my blog called: "when I was".

I don't recall too much of my 1.5 year life. I have only two mental snapshots of that period in my short life. The first snapshot was in Mt Buller, Victoria, Australia. My extended family were up in the mountains for a ski trip. I was obviously too young to ski. All I remember was the dark sky with heavy snow. I remember it being cold and gloomy, with a wooden signboard in front of me. We must be standing in front of a restaurant or a hotel.

My second memory is being in Singapore. I remember being on an escalator in a shopping centre in Singapore. I remember that my parents had bought a large Mercedes toy car for me, one that I could sit in and pretend I was legal to drive. It came equipped with batteries and pedals. All I can recall was my dad carrying the car (probably in the toy box) and the long escalator ride. Sometimes, when I'm gallivanting the shopping paradise island, I still find myself looking around, hoping for something to "click", to see whether I can recall the exact shopping center we were in, the long escalator engrained in my memory.

An evening adventure with a friend’s 4 year old child.

“Jesse, let’s catch some stars together!”

“Weee!!!” He bent his tiny knees and leaped like a little frog up into the sky. He had his arms spread open, reaching for the highest star he could.

I grabbed an invisible star and placed it in my mouth. “Yummy!” I exclaimed.

“What is yummy?”

“The stars are so yummy! I can taste…mmmm…chocolate and strawberries. What do you taste?”

He grabbed the wind and clutched his tiny fingers and brought them to his mouth. He opened and closed his mouth, grinded his teeth, made a chewing motion and licked his lips. He paused for one second like a little professor in deep thought. His eyes then lit up and he said, “I taste chocolate too! And strawberries. And ice cream. I love ice cream! I love stars!”

“Let’s grab more stars,” I said excitedly to him.

We ran along the pedestrian pathway and leaped up like little frogs. We leaped and leaped till we reached the moon. There, we sat by the pond covered by lotuses eating ice cream, chocolate and strawberry flavoured stars.

Mediocrity and procrastination

The room is full of shadows. The lonely fluorescent lamp had been flickering for the past six months but he hasn’t had it changed. It slowed down his reading and work progress because it made his eyes tired. But I can still read, he reasons.

The girl in the photo, 2007

I stared at the girl. I felt a slight notion of pain and envy. She had on a summery flowery top with frills at the bottom. She had a huge grin spread across her face. Her laughter seemed so genuine. Her eyes twinkled mischievously. She had messy locks and curls flowing from her head. A few strands of hair defying gravity, rebelled against her. Salty water and the gentle breeze touched her lips and tiny droplets hung on to her skin. The waves were up to the buckles of her knees. Part of her denim shorts were drenched in sea salt. She didn’t seem to mind. I saw white waves rolling in like froth on a cappuccino. I saw the clean blue sky speckled with flying seagulls. At the most front of the photo, there was the happy girl.

It was 2007. It was a time of happiness.

Snippets of my Asian Education - Part I, the Voiceless

She wasn’t very tall. She had a sturdy built. Hair up to the shoulders. A pair of round, gold glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. She always wore a conservative dress.

I haven’t spoken much to her before. After all, I was considered a quiet child. One who spoke little to others, what more to authorities.

You are lying, she said sternly to me. You know what they do to kids who lie, she asked me? I lowered my gaze and stared at my pristine white Velcro shoes. My mum always made sure my shoes were spotless. She continued, there’s a machine in the teacher’s staff room. They put lying kids in the chair and put the machine on their heads. We use that machine to tell whether you are lying or not.

I swallowed my saliva and tried to blink back tears. I said nothing. I didn’t know how to explain myself, aside from repeating the words, “I’m not lying.”

We took a class test a few days before. It was an easy test where we had to name parts of a snail in the Malay language. There were the eyes, the tail, the shell and the tentacles. Sesunggut it was called. Tentacles = sesunggut. With a double “g”. But back in the old days, like illustrated on the chart pasted at the back of the classroom wall, it was spelled with a single “g”.

Class, you may start the test. Remember not to cheat and not to look at the chart.

I scored almost a perfect score, except there was a problem. I spelled sesunggut with a single “g”, like in the chart.

She called me up front and called me a cheat. Why did you look at the chart? I didn’t, I said timidly. So why did you spell it similarly to the chart. I don’t know, I mumbled. So you cheated, she accused me.

I thought about it for a long time. Why did I spell it the similar way? It’s because I’m always at the back of the classroom where the chart is located when I drink my water or sharpen my pencils. I stare at the chart while doing it. I have somewhat a photographic memory. I must have memorized the chart.

But I couldn’t voice my thoughts. The words couldn’t and wouldn’t form in my mouth. I didn’t know how to form a rationale argumentative statement to state my case. Before her existence in my life, I’ve never been accused of anything I’ve never done before.

For the first time, the 7 year old me, with tears quietly streaming down my face, sat alone in the cafeteria and cried out to God.

Hello world

I've been extremely disconnected from the blogging world. That being said, I do keep a fitness blog, where I just down my fitness progress. But there's nothing like writing as an outlet of emotional expression. I lost my dot net domain as a result of my sheer procrastination. I kept saying "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" for 30 days leading up to the date of my domain expiration. A week after it expired, I finally decided to put an end to my laziness and renew the domain. I clicked on the link and I couldn't do it. Guess what, a week later, some idiotic company bought my domain and if I want my domain back, I would need to pay USD600 or higher. I am not paying that ridiculous amount for my a domain with my own name. I'm so angry at companies that take advantage of situations like this. Why would they buy my name? Sigh. I can complain all I want. But I've learn my lesson. Don't procrastinate. Expect the unlikely - that is even if your name is pretty rare and the chances of someone else (or in this case, company) wanting to acquire your name seems pretty low to you, don't take the risk. Secure your property.