Joannekhoo.net

It's funny how my old self is teaching me new things...

That's what i love about journals and blogs. Its a reflection on who we was and how we became who we are.

S, e-mailed me sometimes back. She was one of my dearest friends in Form 2. She typed out a snippet of something i wrote to her at that time. Wow, I never knew I had the capacity to think such big thoughts at that time :p haha.

S and I used to write notes to each other every single day even though we sat next to each other. Fun and carefree days. One of my most memorable years in high school. Definitely.


I was browsing through my old blog - and i found this entry. It kinda speaks to me now - 3 years on.

Speaking from the heart... In everything you do, do it unto the Lord. Lately, Ive been feeling a little unappreciated and a sense of feeling that Im not always not good enough. No matter what, theres always someone better than you, someone smarter than you, someone nicer than you. When, I look through that perspective, Im always doing it unto men (or women), and Im finally left feeling demoralized. This semester, God has been teaching me how to love unconditionally, no strings attached. It can been really difficult and tiresome at times. Its a long and tough process. Its against everything of the world. Im far from that goal. But Im glad Im walking or shall I say crawling towards it. Theres many a time, I want to be thanked or appreciated. But, as a servant of God, we should work in an unsuspecting way. Someone reminded me just now that in everything we do, do it unto the Lord. In the midst of all this, Ive missed the point and aimed at the wrong target. I'm glad that ive been redirected to the eternal focus. Lord, refresh my spirit. Refocus my mind. Recharge my body. Redirect my aim.

I realised that I have changed over the past few years. Not sure for better or worse. I miss that innocence i once had.
....

Hm, I had a tough day today - emotionally at least. A battle in my own head i suppose. No significant event happened. It was more of an accumulation of events i suppose. No one at fault and no one to blame but myself. I took a walk/jog in the park to clear my thoughts and I guess just to cry out to God. Literally.

I felt like I was in Job's situation. The problem was I did not react the same he did.

I have so much more to learn.

....