Her story

She fiddled with her jacket and tugged at her right sleeve using left thumb and index finger. She did small circling motions on the sleeve unconsciously. Her eyes were looking glassily at the moving scenery – it was a blur of trees, residential houses and streetlights. She rolled her eyes to the clock. 10 pm. They have been driving for over half an hour. Another 15 minutes to home.

Jen always liked the sound of the highway underneath the rolling wheels. It gave her a sense of comfort and security – the sound was always constant aside from the occasional porthole or uneven bump.

“Take a left turn after 2 km,” the robotic GPS system dictated. She normally despised the GPS because the tiny machine seemed to take away the little control that humans had. Besides, she didn’t like the robotic voice that pronounced certain street names in a funny way. It was slightly Canadian yet it had that slight twang to it. However, tonight she welcomed anything that would break the uncomfortable silence in the car.

“It’s a quick drive isn’t it? Using this route is a good idea. Did you enjoy the party?” Sam asked as he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, it’s okay. Though, the music was a little too loud,” she replied. She appreciated the fact that he initiated casual talk to clear the heaviness in the air. However, she wasn’t in a mood for small chat. She hasn’t been for a while.

“But the food was great wasn’t it? I especially liked the soup with truffle oil and escargot with butter and garlic sauce”

“It’s alright,” she replied.

“Jen, what is your problem? I try initiating small chats, accompanied you to your friend’s party, bought you that dress you wanted and even complimented you on the dress but you still give me the cold shoulder. At least, pretend that you are interested in what I have to say. It makes me feel insignificant. I don’t understand you” Sam snapped in an agitated tone.

Jen replied by turning away. She peered out the window again. She didn’t expect Sam to understand because she couldn’t understand herself either. She couldn’t even bother mustering the effort to conjure up a smile. What more, make small chat? But Sam should be sympathetic right? After all, he should realise that she was going through a rough time. Even though she hasn’t exactly told him that she was feeling the way she feels, her actions and facial expressions should be enough to signal her feelings, isn’t it?

She knew that it wasn’t fair on him. But, it wasn’t fair on her either.

It was probably one or two months ago when felt that she started losing the plot. It was like carrying a bag of rice with a hole ripped at the side. It started with a small hole with one grain pouring out at a time. Not long after, the hole ripped and grains of rice poured out like an overflowing river. She started losing hope, one grain at a time. Now, it just seems impossible to pick up every single grain of hope again.

She doesn’t really know how she spiralled into this place. She doesn’t really want to know. Not today anyway. Rationality has no room in her head for now. Right now, all she wanted was to throw herself a self-pity party.

“You know, your acts are ruining our relationship. You better shape yourself up or I will not be able to handle this any longer” Sam said as he put the gear brake on and turned off the ignition. They have arrived home.

She despised him for saying that because it shot arrows at the bull’s eye. Yet, she didn’t want to believe it was true. She didn’t want to believe that she was the one that was ruining the relationship. She held back her tears and climbed out of the car seat. It was bedtime for now. Perhaps tomorrow would be a better day.

To be continued. It's fictional