Making a list, checking it twice

Time: 5:42 AM

Things to do:

Clean the bathroom
Clear the fridge
Clean my room
Mop the floor
Pay bills
Change two light bulbs
Laundry
Grocery shopping
Gym
Make a set of keys
Claim doctor's fees
Fold clothes
Take my vitamins

All before 9 am. And I haven't slept yet. Another sleepless night. Again. Without caffeine this time.

Test results

I did a couple of medical tests last week. I got my lab test results back today. I've been anxiously waiting for the results for over a week. I ripped the envelope today immediately after I took it out from the letter box.

I checked for the presence of helicobacter pylori, cholesterol levels, evidence of kidney failure etc.

Phew, all normal. So relieved. And, I'm no longer anemic!

That being said, my cholesterol level can definitely be improved. Although my LDL cholesterol level (bad cholesterol) is within the normal range, it is still on the high side of the normal range.

My sodium level seem to be at the high end of the normal range as well. I'm not surprised though. Having grown up in Malaysian with most chefs proclaiming, "the saltier, the better", it's only expected.

It's high time to revamp my diet. I will try cooking sodium-less meals! I'll replace salt with herbs etc. Should be fun experimenting =)

And I will to eat less processed food and outside food. I've been guilty of doing that these past few months =(

Hopefully, the change of lifestyle will produce positive results. I'll go for another medical check up in 6 months time.


By the way, when's the last time you did your medical check up? If you can't remember, it's time to get it done!

Also, a note to the girls in Australia. Gotten your cervical cancer vaccination yet? The government will stop giving out the vaccination for females under 25 free-of-charge after Christmas! Get it done ASAP!

Overhaul at Safeway

Safeway in Melbourne CBD has been going through a major overhaul the past few months. This has made my shopping experience there painfully arduous. The goods seem to be running around every other day. One day, the pasta would be in the middle section of the supermarket but it would be in some corner the next week. It's a pain in the arse searching for stuff.

Today I was there to purchase some female necessities amongst other things. Logically, I thought, it would be near where the shampoos, soaps, oral hygiene goods are. So I walked up and down the two relevant aisle for 5 minutes searching high and low for my stuff but it's all in vain. I saw an attendant walking past and quickly sought him out for help. He pointed towards the two aisle I was previously at and said, "search that two aisle. It should be there."

"It's not there. I've searched it," I replied with my voice trailing off, seeing that he has already walked away.

So I did another round of searching just in case I missed it before. It only reconfirmed my earlier results.

Frustrated, I walked away and decided to look at other aisle. Halfway, the same attendant spotted me and asked me if I manage to locate it.

"No! I told you it's not there," I replied in frustration.

"Okay, it might be in this aisle."

Finally he directed me to the right aisle.

Safeway has also implemented this new self-serve check out system. It sounds great in theory. But practically, I'm not too sure whether it's a cost-saving system. Every time I'm there, without fail, something goes wrong and the buzzer goes off. I have to wait for the assistant to attend to me and do his magic. The detection system is very sensitive. The buzzer goes off when it thinks something wasn't weight properly (even when it has been), the buzzer goes off when it thinks something wasn't bagged (assuming that someone was trying to steal it), the buzzer goes off when something that shouldn't be but is on the bagging table. The assistants that come running to the frustrated customers look like they have been deprived of pleasures for ages. I don't blame them. I would be too as the "wait for assistance" buzzer goes off every 30 seconds from one of the self-checkout counters.

Anyway, there's a moral to this story: Always re-check the price of your scanned goods. Today the buzzer went off when my semi-sundried tomatoes were scanned. The assistant came, looked at the price tag on the container, said "okay", authorised the transaction and placed it into my bag. I picked up the container, checked the price, looked at the screen and without a word, passed it back to him. He grabbed the item and without a word, rescanned the item. The system overcharged me by 200% for the tomatoes. Because the assistant probably couldn't be bothered as it was an overcharged and non an undercharge, he probably hoped it went unnoticed.

In my last shopping trip there, an item was also wrongly priced. That time, undercharged. I wonder whether its a glitch in the new system or was there such unnoticed glitches in the old non-self-serviced system. Perhaps, I've lost lots of money to safeway the past few years without me knowing. I wouldn't know would I.

Sales in the beauty line

This morning, I was doing one of my usual activities - which is sitting in a cafe by myself and reading. Next to this cafe I was at, is this booth that sells beauty products. Today, they were promoting their new product which is some face scrub which is shaped like a pencil. There were three people mending the booth - two females and one male.

I observed the male salesperson as he was on the job. He looks like someone of Greek origin and is pretty tall (probably 6 feet 2'). I imagined him sawing off slabs of meat off the skewers at a kebab store. He was holding leaflets and trying to hand them out to passers-by. I must say that he was pretty diligent on the job. He probably tried to make contact with every 4 out of 5 women that walked past. However, almost all the women he tried approaching rejected his leaflets. Some even tried dodging him by swerving to the opposite direction (you know, like how you'll react when somebody tries to sell you credit cards)

The two women on the other hand, had much better success. They were both blond with dazzling smiles. One of them had hair with perfect curls, lots of body that sat slightly below her shoulders. The other one had her hair tied up complete with a hair piece nicely pinned to her hair. They both were constantly chatting to each other on the job. They didn't seem to try as hard as the male sales representative. They stood around and probably tried to reach out to one out of every four females that walked past.

This is the part which intrigued me. The females were so much more successful than the male salesperson even though the females clearly did not try as hard. Whilst the females were very relaxed on the job, I saw the male representative wiping beads of sweat off his face. What was the difference between them? Firstly, I think the male's height scared many of the potential female customers away. In the 20 minutes I observed him, only three people responded. One Asian female who looked about 50 years old and two females who were nearly as tall as he was. (they were probably 6 footers) The 50 year old lady was probably not as intimidated by his height because she is so much older and will probably think of him of someone akin to her son. The two females being almost as tall as he is will probably not be intimidated by his height.

Secondly, he looked extremely nervous. I can see it in his body language. He was pacing around a lot, he didn't smile much and probably tried a little too hard. That kind of body language usually attract potential customers that will stop by out of sympathy. Many would probably want to buy from a person who exuberates confidence.


Moral of the story:
Do sales in the beauty line only if you're a good-looking female or gay (alternatively, look gay). Why?

If you're a good-looking female, other females would want to buy from you because they would want to use the products to make them look as good as you. Males would stop by too even if they are not buying any products just so they can talk to you. Or at least, the males won't try to dodge you like you have leprosy.

If you're gay, there's a general perception that you're a metrosexual and in turn, will know the A-Zs of anything beauty related.

Well, if you're male and not so good-looking by general standards, perhaps it's better to find a job elsewhere.

p/s: I hope that guy makes some sales today =(

Pointing fingers - Alan Greenspan to be blamed for the economic crisis?

I blogged about Alan Greenspan in January 2006, just before he left office as Chairman of the US Federal Reserve. In that entry, I wrote about him based on an article I read in the Economist. Although he has been acclaimed by many economists as 'the greatest central banker who ever lived', some critics had their reservations on him. Here's my entry that I wrote almost 3 years ago:

Ahead of his retirement, he has been widely and extravagantly acclaimed by economic commentators, investors and politicians. He has been honoured and left a legend with a well-rehearsed quote to his name, 'The greatest central banker who ever lived.'

To refresh our memories, here is a snippet of Alan Greenspan background :-

He originally took office as Chairman and to fill an unexpired term as a member of the Board on August 11, 1987. Dr. Greenspan was reappointed to the Board to a full 14-year term, which began February 1, 1992, and ends January 31, 2006. He has been designated Chairman by Presidents Reagan, Bush, Clinton, and Bush.

Dr. Greenspan was born on March 6, 1926, in New York City. He received a B.S. in economics (summa cum laude) in 1948, an M.A. in economics in 1950, and a Ph.D. in economics in 1977, all from New York University. Dr. Greenspan also has performed advanced graduate study at Columbia University.

From 1954 to 1974 and from 1977 to 1987, Dr. Greenspan was Chairman and President of Townsend-Greenspan & Co., Inc., an economic consulting firm in New York City. From 1974 to 1977, he served as Chairman of the President's Council of Economic Advisers under President Ford, and from 1981 to 1983, as Chairman of the National Commission on Social Security Reform.

Dr. Greenspan has also served as a member of President Reagan's Economic Policy Advisory Board, a member of Time magazine's Board of Economists, a senior adviser to the Brookings Panel on Economic Activity, and a consultant to the Congressional Budget Office.

His previous Presidential appointments include the President's Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board, the Commission on Financial Structure and Regulation, the Commission on an All-Volunteer Armed Force, and the Task Force on Economic Growth.

Before his appointment to the Board, Dr. Greenspan served as a corporate director for Aluminum Company of America (Alcoa); Automatic Data Processing, Inc.; Capital Cities/ABC, Inc.; General Foods, Inc.; J.P. Morgan & Co., Inc.; Morgan Guaranty Trust Company of New York; Mobil Corporation; and The Pittston Company.

His noncorporate positions have included Member of the Board of Trustees, The Rand Corporation; Director, Institute for International Economics; Member of the Board of Overseers, Hoover Institution (at Stanford University); and Vice Chairman and Trustee, Economic Club of New York.

Dr. Greenspan has served as Chairman of the Conference of Business Economists, President and Fellow of the National Association of Business Economists, and Director of the National Economists Club.

Dr. Greenspan has received honorary degrees from Harvard, Yale, Pennsylvania, Leuven (Belgium), Notre Dame, Wake Forest, Colgate, and Edinburgh universities. His other awards include the Thomas Jefferson Award for the greatest public service performed by an elected or appointed official, presented by the American Institute for Public Service, 1976 (joint recipient with Dr. Arthur Burns and William Simon); election as a Fellow of the American Statistical Association, 1989; decorated Legion of Honor (Commander) France, 2000; recipient of the American Philosophical Society’s Benjamin Franklin Award for Distinguished Public Service, 1998, and election as a member of the society, 2000; honorary Knight Commander of the British Empire, 2002; and the first recipient of the Gerald R. Ford Medal for Distinguished Public Service, 2003.

On the surface of things, one could presume that Alan Greenspan struck up a miracle in favour of America's fate during his 18 1/2 years in office. During most of his service in office, America enjoy rapid growth with low inflation. In addition, he successfully steered the economy around a series of financial hazards. He is credited with saving the world economy—from the stockmarket crashes of 1987 and 2000-01, and from Russia's default and the near collapse of LTCM, a hedge fund, in 1998—by pumping in liquidity when it was vulnerable.

Many have predict that the reign of America's economy has reached its peek and gloomy days now await. Gloomy days will not be caused by Greenspan's departure but by his departuring souvenirs: the biggest economic imbalances in America.

Commentators are now debating if the works of Alan Greenspan is worth its current glory or did he instead leave a time-bomb in America's hands?

America's market demand significantly outweighs and outraces market supply. The Federal Reserve's policies of the past decade looks like its having painful long-term costs. We should not forget that Mr Greenspan was long criticised by economic commentator's for not trying to restrain the stockmarket bubble in the late 1990s. And after its burst, Alan Greenspan, inflated a housing bubble by holding low interest rates for so long. By borrowing against capital gains, households consume more than their monthly income. Although robust consumer spending has boosted GDP growth, this is a short-term benefit at a huge cost of a negative personal saving rate.

In all this seriousness, Ben Bernanke, Mr Greenspan's successor had to cheek to say that America's current-account deficit is the inevitable consequence of a saving glut in the rest of the world.

............

It seems that those critics rightly disagreed with Alan Greenspan. Although everything seemed smooth sailing during the time he was in office, he left a time bomb that was only waiting to explode. Tragically, no one including Greenspan himself expected the time bomb he helped create to be this destructive.


............

Read this recent article by Seattle Times


WASHINGTON — As Federal Reserve chairman, Alan Greenspan testified before Congress dozens of times over almost two decades.

Time after time, lawmakers solicited the economic wisdom of "the Oracle."

But not Thursday.

This time, instead of praise, lawmakers heaped blame on the 82-year-old economist for the current crisis and asked him time and again whether he had been wrong, why he had been wrong and whether he was sorry.

Grim-faced, Greenspan could offer only a limited defense.

Almost three years after stepping down as the Fed chair, a humbled Greenspan admitted he had put too much faith in the self-correcting power of free markets and had failed to foresee the self-destructive power of wanton mortgage lending.

In his trademark gravelly monotone, he acknowledged he was in a state of "shocked disbelief" at the breakdown of credit markets that triggered what he called "a once-in-a-century credit tsunami."

"This crisis ... has turned out to be much broader than anything I could have imagined," he told the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. "Given the financial damage to date, I cannot see how we can avoid a significant rise in layoffs and unemployment."

The appearance was his first in such a public forum since the crisis began and provided a dramatic bookend for the demise of the economic boom and the unmaking of his reputation.

Critics, including many economists, now blame the former Fed chairman for the financial crisis that is tipping the economy into a potentially deep recession. Greenspan's critics say he encouraged the bubble in housing prices by keeping interest rates too low for too long and he failed to rein in the explosive growth of risky and often fraudulent mortgage lending.

Near the end of the four-hour grilling, which he shared with John Snow, the former Treasury secretary, and Christopher Cox, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, Greenspan suffered a final indignity.

The man dubbed "the Maestro" for orchestrating fiscal policy during 18 years as Fed chief found himself likened to one of the great goats of baseball.

"I feel like I'm looking out there at three Bill Buckners," said Rep. John Yarmuth, D-Ky., referring to the Boston Red Sox first baseman who botched an easy grounder in the 1986 World Series. "All of you let the ball go through your legs."

Snow and Cox took a lot of criticism as well. But it was unprecedented to see Greenspan booed for a crucial error.

Under tough questioning from committee Chairman Henry Waxman, D-Calif., and other Democrats, Greenspan said he was wrong in assuming free-market forces would prevent the current crisis.

"I made a mistake in presuming that the self-interests of organizations, specifically banks and others, were such as that they were best capable of protecting their own shareholders and their equity in the firms," Greenspan said.

The crisis exposed a "flaw" in his strong market-based ideology, he said.

"That's precisely the reason I was shocked, because I have been going for 40 years or more with very considerable evidence that it was working exceptionally well," Greenspan said.

The hearing was the third in a series Waxman is holding to identify the causes of the financial crisis. Greenspan knew he was in for a tough day. And Waxman hit him at the start.

"For too long, the prevailing attitude in Washington has been that the market always knows best," Waxman said. "The Federal Reserve had the authority to stop the irresponsible lending practices that fueled the subprime mortgage market. But its longtime chairman, Alan Greenspan, rejected pleas that he intervene."

Greenspan's critics have complained that, starting in 2001, he kept interest rates too low to help bolster the U.S. economy after the bursting of the dot-com bubble and the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 that year. That easy credit, they say, fueled a runaway housing boom.

They also allege his free-market ideology kept him from using Federal Reserve authority to regulate adjustable-rate mortgages and complex financial derivatives — regulation that could have helped prevent the current crisis.

Waxman, noting the former Fed chairman had been one of the nation's leading voices for deregulation, displayed past statements in which Greenspan had argued that government regulators were no better than markets at imposing discipline.

"Were you wrong?" Waxman asked.

"Partially," the former Fed chairman reluctantly answered, before trying to parse his concession as thinly as possible.

Greenspan, celebrated in a 2000 book by Bob Woodward, presided over the Fed for 18 years before he stepped down in January 2006. He steered the economy through one of the longest booms in history, while also presiding over a period of declining inflation.

But as the Fed slashed interest rates to nearly all-time lows from 2001 until mid-2004, housing prices climbed far faster than inflation or household income year after year. By 2004, a growing number of economists were warning that a speculative bubble in home prices and home construction was under way, which posed the risk of a housing bust.

Greenspan brushed aside worries about a potential bubble, arguing housing prices had never endured a nationwide decline and a bust was highly unlikely.

Greenspan, along with most other banking regulators in Washington, also resisted calls for tighter regulation of subprime mortgages and other high-risk exotic mortgages that allowed people to borrow far more than they could afford.

The Federal Reserve had broad authority to prohibit deceptive lending practices under a 1994 law called the Home Owner Equity Protection Act, or HOEPA. But it took little action during the long housing boom, and less than 1 percent of all mortgages were subjected to restrictions under that law.

This year, the Fed dramatically tightened its restrictions. But by that time, the subprime market, as well as the market for other kinds of exotic mortgages, already had been wiped out.

30 random thoughts in bullet point form:

1) I love my mac. I think I’ve mentioned that to almost every other person I’ve spoken to in the past two weeks. The mac has become a cult. It generates a mass following. It might be a tad expensive, but heck its worth it. I justify this by saying that with a mac, I desire to produce better work on it. After all, such pretty things should only be used to produce quality results. Or perhaps I’m too easily satisfied after using my old laptop that as a result of abuse (or wear and tear as I would to call it), had no working audio system, no working wireless hardware and a blank screen when turned on.

2) Speaking of which, I love my moleskin too. It’s really expensive for a notebook. After all, it serves the same practical purpose as a 1 dollar notebook. But, good notebooks tend to inspire, no?

3) I broke out in rash yesterday. Again. And I’ve been scratching. Urgh.

4) Been getting the travelling bug. I’m itching to travel. I’m thinking of visiting Cambodia. But I don’t want to go there just to see the usual touristy sites such as the infamous Angkor Wat. I actually want to be immersed in the culture. Perhaps spend a month or two there and do some volunteer work there.

5) Speaking of which, do you know Angkor Wat has only recently been discovered?

6) O, and it was used in the Tomb Raider set?

7) I also want to visit Turkey, Egypt, South America and Morocco.

8) I’m an introvert. I find joy in sitting in cafes alone, with a coffee, curled up with a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in another.

9) I’m actually doing that right now. Except that I have an orange juice in one hand (finished my coffee) and a mac on the table.

10) I still can’t work my wireless on my mac.

11) I realised I like my gadgets in silver. I have a canon ixus, an LG shine and a silver Macbook.

12) When I think I look too pale and tired, I try to wear brighter clothing. Hopefully, it will make me look a little less sickly. Then Ill hear less comments of, ‘Are you sick? You look so pale. You look tired.’

13) Yesterday, I didn’t eat the entire day till 9.30 pm and I drank water from the bathroom tap because there was a moth in the living room. I didn’t dare step out in case I encountered the moth. That cunning creature was laying low and was hiding. Hm, wonder what’s a moth life span. When will it die? Note to self: check it up online. Do you know a cockroach can live up to 9 days without its head and it only dies because of starvation? O, and do you know the elephant is the only animal that cannot jump?

14) I discovered guitar hero a couple of days ago. My favourite songs in guitar hero III are ‘When you were young’ and ‘Cliffs of Dover’. My skill level is currently medium. I find that I’m better at songs that require the swift changing of notes rather than rhythm. I’m not born to be a drummer.

15) This dude two tables away has been staring at me weirdly for the past 5 minutes. Sometimes when people do that, I check myself out and wonder whether I’m wearing my shirt inside out or something. Just like the other day, I wore my shirt inside out to the gym. I tried covering the tag at the side so that it didn’t appear too obvious.

16) I hate wearing my specs. Not only its aesthetically uncool but my eye muscles seem to be very strained from wearing them. It’s like holding up a dumbbell with a curled arm for a couple of minutes. And when you finally let go, you can physically feel your muscle relax. I don’t get that with contact lenses though. Does anyone else feel the same way?

17) Recently, when I’m bored, I play chess against the computer. Initially, it almost destroyed my self-esteem because I kept losing. Then I searched ‘help’ and I realise that I can switch the preference to ‘easy’. It definitely helped redeem my self-esteem when my pawn could easily eat the computer’s queen. Cheap thrill. But then I got bored because it was too easy.

18) I haven’t been taking pictures with my camera ever since my SD card died on me. I took a couple of pictures with my phone. Never thought I’ll succumb to such low quality pictures.

19) The kid I’ve been sponsoring have sent me two letters complete with drawings. I haven’t written back. Note to self: Will do it by this week.

20) Speaking of which, in one of my recent trips back, I’ve stumbled across my drawings when I was about 5 years old. It sure was ugly. And I sure wasn’t creative. It’s always a picture of a house with a sharp roof, two windows (no more and no less) and one door. Then, there’s a drawing of me, mum, dad, brother and maid. And of course, there’s the sun with a couple of clouds and birds. Perhaps a tree or two. When I feel more creative, I add a couple of flowers and fence.

21) In the past 3 months, I’ve only bought 2 pairs of stockings, 1 dress, 3 pairs of shoes and 1 pair of sandals. Kuddos to that.

22) But I will need to buy a fascinator soon as I’ll be going for the Melbourne Cup. I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb being the only lady with no frills on her head.

23) When my house is dirty, I lose my appetite.

24) In my next trip to KL, I want to explore all the good food stalls at Petaling Street. I want to step into the little dirty alley lanes and try all the yummy food. I also want to go to ‘Pasar Malam’ and eat asam laksa, salted chicken and buy back ‘kaya pao’. For nostalgic reasons, more than anything.

25) I like street food. In my last trip to Bangkok, Cheryl and I ate street food every single meal except for that one breakfast we had at our hostel and our lunch at Pattaya.

26) In my next trip to Singapore, I want to visit Arab St, Little India and Haji Lane.

27) Be in a geek in something and I’ll like you. Maybe its because I want to be like you.

28) My little cousin’s attention span fascinates me. He spends two hours drawing every single day. At 6, he could draw cars in 3 dimensions. He even drew in details of rims, windows and headlights. He draws better than I do and whilst walking down Orchard road, he names all the cars we see. Once I pointed to a picture in a car magazine, which only revealed the car’s window because the rest of it was obscured by another car. I asked him to name me the car brand, thinking that he won’t be able to guess. He answered, ‘BMW’. “How do you know?” I asked. He replied irritatedly, “Haiyah, so easy. Just look at the window. BMW windows look like that. Don’t ask me such easy questions.”

29) Whilst reading the same car magazine (by reading, I mean looking at pictures), he pointed to model who was posing with a car. He turned to me and say, “why is her shirt so short (she wore a mid-riff blouse). She is so ugly, no need to wear so short.” Girls and cars. That boy starts young.

30) I’ve put on 2 kgs this year and I think its here to stay. How now, brown cow? I was going to wear this dress for the upcoming Melbourne Cup which I wore for Ann’s 21st 1 ½ years ago. But I realised that I couldn’t fit into it. I couldn’t even do up the buttons. I’ve removed the buttons and will be sewing them closer to the edges. Oh dear.

Backdated to last Saturday

p/s: Cant sleep to fall asleep. Its 3.30 am!

Tony Robbins speech: Why we do what we do and how we can do better?

Note: I realised that I said that I'm kinda on a blogging hiatus. Well, I've decided that I'm going to post up 'reflection/musing' entries simply because I'm still journalling anyway. Though in an offline mode. Feel free to comment but I'll only reply after the 40 day mark has come to pass.



Context taken from Tony Robbins speech: Why we do what we do and how we can do better?

There are six kinds of “needs” that everybody in this world experiences. We all need to fulfil these needs to some degree or another.

The six needs:

1) Certainty – everyone needs certainty in their lives either to avoid pain or to feel comfortable.
2) Uncertainty – but if there is too much certainty in our lives, we will feel bored. So we need variety. We need surprises.
3) Significance – people need to feel important. The fastest way to do this is violence. If I put a gun in your head, I am certain you are going to react in a particular way. It makes me feel significant because I am an important actor in this moment. To be significant, you need to be different or unique.
4) Connection – through intimacy, friendship, relationships, prayer, walking in nature.
These first four needs, everyone can find a way to fulfil it.

The last two needs are spiritual needs. This is where fulfilment comes in.
5) Growth– You must grow. E.g. a relationship cannot stay stagnant. It must grow. We all must grow. It does not matter how many friends you have, how many people you’ll know, you won’t feel fulfilled if you do not grow. The reason why we grow is so that we have something to give because the sixth need is to ‘contribute beyond yourself’.
6) To contribute beyond yourself – Life is about giving.


Take-home note 1: The question to then ask yourself is, which need do you value the most? Are you a certainty freak or an uncertainty freak? Whatever you need most tilts you in a certain direction.

Take-home note 2: Map. Everyone has a different map. Different people might want to head to the same destination but they may find different ways to get there.

Take-home note 3: Emotion: There are 6000 emotions. Explore you emotions and beliefs that are controlling you so that there are more of you that will be more giving and so that you can appreciate (not just understand – because that is intellectual) what is driving other people.

………

Thought #1:
I found this speech pretty useful because it really got me thinking. See, I’ve always known that I can be pretty unpredictable and spontaneous sometimes. You might catch me telling you in the morning that I might be heading to Cambodia for 3 months. 10 hours later, I’ll be telling you that I might be heading to South Africa for 6 months. The scary part is that most of the time, I’m actually giving serious contemplation to those ideas. My unpredictability scares me and frustrates me sometimes. Sometimes, to the point that I think I’m just strange or perhaps extremely confused. To a certain extent, I think I am confused at times because I’m still exploring my wants and my passions. I get that. But what frustrates me further is that sometimes I crave certainty. Hm, signs of a mixed personality? Heh, according to Tony Robbins, these are both needs in me but my need for ‘uncertainty’ is probably greater than my need for ‘certainty’.

I think self-evaluation tests are pretty useful sometimes because they help you recognise your strengths and weaknesses and subsequently learn to maximise on your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. In this case, I realise that I probably won’t enjoy a job such as say ‘auditing’ and would prefer something a tad more interesting.

Thought #2:
I realise that the ‘look beyond yourself’ need is pretty important to me. I’ve known that ever since I started visiting orphanages, old folks homes and other similar homes in high school (although I must admit I didn’t do it that often back in high school. Probably about 10 times). Hm…more on this next time.

Thought #3:
Significance. That is a pretty interesting one. They say the sweetest sound to a person’s ear is his/her name. The best conversationalist is a good listener. Why? Because it makes that person feel important. I must admit that I can be a pretty bad listener. I am making a conscious note to improve.

Okay, so the question then is how does one make himself/herself feel important. I must admit that what really frustrates me sometimes is when people use their weaknesses as a way to feel significant and hence, it stops them from fulfilling their potential. For example, when someone says, “I don’t know why but I’m different from others. I get a stitch after running 100 metres even when I’m running slowly. Seriously, I do. Maybe I’m born like that. I would like to pick up running but really, I just cannot.”

I think sometimes I do that too – that is use my weakness as a way to feel significant. Can’t think of any specific instances right now but I’m pretty sure there are some.

I find that the best question to ask yourself when you want to know whether you do that is, “why did you fail to achieve that specific goal you wanted to achieve?” Did you give an answer that was within your control? Example, “I had bad time management. I shouldn’t have procrastinated. I didn’t seize that opportunity when I should have.” OR, did you give an answer that was out of your control? Example, “I don’t know. Bad things always happen to me. Maybe I failed cause God wanted to close that door of opportunity.”


Thought #4:
Emotions that control me: I’ll just focus on my negative emotions here. The dominant one is self-doubt. I get this comment from people sometimes, “You should believe in yourself a little bit more. You have a lot of potential. You can go far as long as you believe in yourself.” Yeah, I experience self-doubt a lot and it’s a constant battle. At least I recognise that I’m in a battle, I guess.