Tony Robbins speech: Why we do what we do and how we can do better?

Note: I realised that I said that I'm kinda on a blogging hiatus. Well, I've decided that I'm going to post up 'reflection/musing' entries simply because I'm still journalling anyway. Though in an offline mode. Feel free to comment but I'll only reply after the 40 day mark has come to pass.



Context taken from Tony Robbins speech: Why we do what we do and how we can do better?

There are six kinds of “needs” that everybody in this world experiences. We all need to fulfil these needs to some degree or another.

The six needs:

1) Certainty – everyone needs certainty in their lives either to avoid pain or to feel comfortable.
2) Uncertainty – but if there is too much certainty in our lives, we will feel bored. So we need variety. We need surprises.
3) Significance – people need to feel important. The fastest way to do this is violence. If I put a gun in your head, I am certain you are going to react in a particular way. It makes me feel significant because I am an important actor in this moment. To be significant, you need to be different or unique.
4) Connection – through intimacy, friendship, relationships, prayer, walking in nature.
These first four needs, everyone can find a way to fulfil it.

The last two needs are spiritual needs. This is where fulfilment comes in.
5) Growth– You must grow. E.g. a relationship cannot stay stagnant. It must grow. We all must grow. It does not matter how many friends you have, how many people you’ll know, you won’t feel fulfilled if you do not grow. The reason why we grow is so that we have something to give because the sixth need is to ‘contribute beyond yourself’.
6) To contribute beyond yourself – Life is about giving.


Take-home note 1: The question to then ask yourself is, which need do you value the most? Are you a certainty freak or an uncertainty freak? Whatever you need most tilts you in a certain direction.

Take-home note 2: Map. Everyone has a different map. Different people might want to head to the same destination but they may find different ways to get there.

Take-home note 3: Emotion: There are 6000 emotions. Explore you emotions and beliefs that are controlling you so that there are more of you that will be more giving and so that you can appreciate (not just understand – because that is intellectual) what is driving other people.

………

Thought #1:
I found this speech pretty useful because it really got me thinking. See, I’ve always known that I can be pretty unpredictable and spontaneous sometimes. You might catch me telling you in the morning that I might be heading to Cambodia for 3 months. 10 hours later, I’ll be telling you that I might be heading to South Africa for 6 months. The scary part is that most of the time, I’m actually giving serious contemplation to those ideas. My unpredictability scares me and frustrates me sometimes. Sometimes, to the point that I think I’m just strange or perhaps extremely confused. To a certain extent, I think I am confused at times because I’m still exploring my wants and my passions. I get that. But what frustrates me further is that sometimes I crave certainty. Hm, signs of a mixed personality? Heh, according to Tony Robbins, these are both needs in me but my need for ‘uncertainty’ is probably greater than my need for ‘certainty’.

I think self-evaluation tests are pretty useful sometimes because they help you recognise your strengths and weaknesses and subsequently learn to maximise on your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. In this case, I realise that I probably won’t enjoy a job such as say ‘auditing’ and would prefer something a tad more interesting.

Thought #2:
I realise that the ‘look beyond yourself’ need is pretty important to me. I’ve known that ever since I started visiting orphanages, old folks homes and other similar homes in high school (although I must admit I didn’t do it that often back in high school. Probably about 10 times). Hm…more on this next time.

Thought #3:
Significance. That is a pretty interesting one. They say the sweetest sound to a person’s ear is his/her name. The best conversationalist is a good listener. Why? Because it makes that person feel important. I must admit that I can be a pretty bad listener. I am making a conscious note to improve.

Okay, so the question then is how does one make himself/herself feel important. I must admit that what really frustrates me sometimes is when people use their weaknesses as a way to feel significant and hence, it stops them from fulfilling their potential. For example, when someone says, “I don’t know why but I’m different from others. I get a stitch after running 100 metres even when I’m running slowly. Seriously, I do. Maybe I’m born like that. I would like to pick up running but really, I just cannot.”

I think sometimes I do that too – that is use my weakness as a way to feel significant. Can’t think of any specific instances right now but I’m pretty sure there are some.

I find that the best question to ask yourself when you want to know whether you do that is, “why did you fail to achieve that specific goal you wanted to achieve?” Did you give an answer that was within your control? Example, “I had bad time management. I shouldn’t have procrastinated. I didn’t seize that opportunity when I should have.” OR, did you give an answer that was out of your control? Example, “I don’t know. Bad things always happen to me. Maybe I failed cause God wanted to close that door of opportunity.”


Thought #4:
Emotions that control me: I’ll just focus on my negative emotions here. The dominant one is self-doubt. I get this comment from people sometimes, “You should believe in yourself a little bit more. You have a lot of potential. You can go far as long as you believe in yourself.” Yeah, I experience self-doubt a lot and it’s a constant battle. At least I recognise that I’m in a battle, I guess.