the bitter pill

In physics, we learn that energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be transferred. Anger can be turned into positive energy or a negative one. When life throws us lemons, we make lemonade. Anger. It’s an emotion that I’m quite used to these days. Being angry at him, her, him, her…and myself. Mostly myself. Because really, pointing fingers would not change the course of our lives. The earlier we swallow the bitter pill, the quicker we move forward.

So the other day as I was walking down the streets of Melbourne, I thought if I could turn back time, what stage of my life would I wind the clock back to? My first thoughts were - 1st year of uni. Then, I thought, actually, I might go back to college. Thinking about it more closely, actually, I might head back to high school. Then, I thought that in fact, I wanted to repeat elementary school all over again. I would have taken up more extra-curricular activities, perhaps join that chess club, take up martial arts, to take up competitive swimming. At the end of my futile exercise, I realise that regrets will always be present in our lives. Simply because we make hundreds of choices every single day. The choice to take responsibility for our actions. The choice to say yes. The choice to say no. The choice to eat that cheesecake. The choice to raise your voice. The choice to tear someone down. The choice to edify someone. The choice to be a deco of the backdrop. The choice to make a difference. I counted the approximate number of years I have left to live. Assuming that I’ll live till I’m 80 (not any later because I don’t want to be left with no friends and to be a burden to my family), I can live three times longer than the life I already lived. That’s a pretty long time. So why look back when there’s so much to look forward to.

I think the biggest procrastinating exercise is wallowing in your regrets without conjuring any solution forward. I call that ‘unstrategetic thinking’. Some call it ‘self-pity’. It’s something I’ve been trying not to do. Why engage in such unnecessary time-wasting exercise.

Choices. It’s a gift we humans been given I suppose.