Joke book

A long, long time ago, someone bought me a joke book for my birthday. He bought it because he said I didn't make good jokes and should memorize some, you know, to make more friends at a party or something.

Anyway, I rediscovered the joke book that was buried under all my other books on the bookshelf. Here are a few jokes:

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should already be opened when she brings it.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

haha. I'm painfully aware that I'm female and this is degrading to my own sex. So here's some for the benefit of us women:

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Nobody knows, it has never happened.

The man said, "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it."
The woman said, "You wear pants don't you?"

While a woman was making breakfast one morning, her husband walked up to her and pinched her bottom and said, "You know, if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
Despite being annoyed, the woman bit her tongue and kept silent. THe next morning, the man woke his wife up by pinching her on the breast and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This time, should could not stay silent. Rolling over, she grabbed her husband's penis and said, "You know, if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool cleaner and your brother!"